Grandfather, can you provide me with some perspective? My soul is on fire and I can’t dampen the flames. I’ve been told that you were there many times before, so you must understand how this feels. It’s a brutalizing silence that rings aloud in my ears for hours on end. The unease of it all is deafening beyond imagine. I understand that life is just about wasting time, but this existential weight is something else. In the past few months, I have been wrung dry. My core is dehydrated and in abject need of recovery. The air outside is solid with pollution, but the stagnant clouds in here are a hundredfold worse. I’ve been coughing up blood for weeks and I don’t know if it’s my own. Could someone else be living on inside of my sternum? Please light a torch for me if you receive this message. I can still picture you in your favorite chair with your thin grey hair pulled back. The reverberation of your chuckle doesn’t seem far away even though it’s been fifteen years. I am clearly carrying on with a jigsaw piece of you in my bones. Well, I didn’t intend to bring about this maelstrom either. It just all came falling down in an uncontrollable wash. Now there is absolute regret with little sign of absolution in sight. All of this was a mistake. All of this was a paralyzing drama gone horribly wrong. You and I both understand this. At least I can be certain of this. If only we could convince the others.
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